Ann hates John, he is rude and offensive. His jokes are cruel and he does a lousy job. Ann is picking up Johns slack all the time. Ann is building frustration and snaps at Jane that just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. Jane is a complainer and talks to the manager about Ann. Ann and Jane are called into a meeting and Ann apologizes and explains that she is just under a bit stress. Ann is even more frustrated.

Who has the worst experience at work?

When you have personal conflicts at the office, there are normally two or more people that dislike the other for some reason. How their day is moving along is depending on the level of frustration and anger inside Ann. John is happy optimist that does not worry too much. If he makes a mistake, he knows that someone else is fixing it, so if he gets an extra sale, well good for the company he thinks. Jane has an outlet of her frustrations and confronts trouble and moves on. Jane do not carry bad luggage around and gets rid of her bad feelings and return to happy land. Ann is even more frustrated because her root cause is still out there.

Do you hate someone at your job?

If you do hold a grudge toward someone at work, you are the only one suffering. You fill your mind with bad feelings like anger, hate, jealousy, envy and contempt and you are starting to project these feelings onto your job as well. Your results will drop and you will be the Grinch that stole the coffee pot. You see all this trouble is reflecting back on you.

How to fix it

Think about what you hate; it is all attributes or actions of the other person. Ann does not hate John, she dislike that he files the contracts wrongly. She hates his jokes and she hates the way John talks to her. This is not John, this is actions John performs. So can John change?

A day at the office

Ann had enough, she had a falling down moment and got into an argument with John. Ann throws a stapler at John, hitting his hand just to break his coffee mug. The manager jumps out of his fox hole and drags them into the office. “What is going on here?” Ann cries, says that she cannot take it anymore. John is shocked, he could never in a million years guess that Ann was feeling this way. John apologizes about his jokes, and promise to be careful with his out of line humor. He also did not know that he filed his contracts wrong, why did you not tell me? He said. The manager explains to John that it might be a good idea to ask for help or communicate in polite way.

John changed his attributes, and Ann and John kept working together for a long time. Turns out that John is an ok guy, not husband material, but he is alright with a bit twisted humor. Jane got fired for fraud, but that is a whole different story…

Do you see how you could treat the attributes of the problem? Think about it; do you hate the person? Or do you hate something this person does? So talk to this person in a polite way about the attributes that makes you uncomfortable and have a great day!